Funny Quotes About Life
"This island is almost made of coal and surrounded by fish. Only an organizing genius could produce a shortage of coal and fish in Great Britain at the same time."
- Aneunin Bevan
30.6.11
29.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient."
- Ambrose Bierce
"LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient."
- Ambrose Bierce
28.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read."
- Frank Zappa
"Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read."
- Frank Zappa
27.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman
26.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce...? The cuckoo clock."
- Orson Welles
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce...? The cuckoo clock."
- Orson Welles
25.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"What do you mean we don't communicate? Just yesterday I faxed you a reply to the recorded message you left on my answering machine."
- The Wall Street Journal
"What do you mean we don't communicate? Just yesterday I faxed you a reply to the recorded message you left on my answering machine."
- The Wall Street Journal
24.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"There's no secret. You just press the accelerator to the floor and steer left."
- US Race driver Bill Vukovich
"There's no secret. You just press the accelerator to the floor and steer left."
- US Race driver Bill Vukovich
23.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia."
- Judith Viorst
"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia."
- Judith Viorst
22.6.11
Funny quotes about life even if you have a mortgage
Funny Quotes About Life
"British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps."
- Peter Ustinov
"British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps."
- Peter Ustinov
21.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority!"
- William Howard Taft - US President - referring to his defeat in the 1912 presidential election.
"Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority!"
- William Howard Taft - US President - referring to his defeat in the 1912 presidential election.
20.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about."
- Philippe Schnoebelen
"Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about."
- Philippe Schnoebelen
19.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room."
- Blaise Pascal
"I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room."
- Blaise Pascal
18.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat."
- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
"Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat."
- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
17.6.11
16.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin."
- John Von Neuman
"Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin."
- John Von Neuman
15.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not make the simple next step of supporting multitasking."
- George McFry
"Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not make the simple next step of supporting multitasking."
- George McFry
14.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
- Fran Lebowitz
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
- Fran Lebowitz
13.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner."
- Calvin Keegan
"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner."
- Calvin Keegan
12.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"It has been discovered experimentally that you can draw laughter from an audience anywhere in the world, of any class or race, simply by walking onto a stage and uttering the words "I am a married man"."
- Ted Kavanugh - British radio scriptwriter
"It has been discovered experimentally that you can draw laughter from an audience anywhere in the world, of any class or race, simply by walking onto a stage and uttering the words "I am a married man"."
- Ted Kavanugh - British radio scriptwriter
11.6.11
Funny quotes about life and money
Funny Quotes About Life
"One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette."
- Prof. Charles P. Issawi
"One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette."
- Prof. Charles P. Issawi
10.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize winning photograph of him drowning, what shutter speed and setting would you use?"
- Paul Harvey
"If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize winning photograph of him drowning, what shutter speed and setting would you use?"
- Paul Harvey
9.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something."
- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S.
Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Quotes, Quotes About Life, Quotes
"For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something."
- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S.
Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Quotes, Quotes About Life, Quotes
8.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not worry about the blind alleys or describe how you had the wrong idea at first, and so on. So there isn't any place to publish, in a dignified manner, what you actually did in order to get to do the work."
- Richard Feynman
"We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not worry about the blind alleys or describe how you had the wrong idea at first, and so on. So there isn't any place to publish, in a dignified manner, what you actually did in order to get to do the work."
- Richard Feynman
7.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
- English Professor, Ohio University
"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
- English Professor, Ohio University
6.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"You can pay attention to the fact, in which case you'll probably become a mathematician, or you can ignore it, in which case you'll probably become a physicist."
"You can pay attention to the fact, in which case you'll probably become a mathematician, or you can ignore it, in which case you'll probably become a physicist."
5.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"This compact disc is made from analog masters recorded without noise reduction. Half the tracks, in fact, were recorded in a dismal, cheap basement eight-track studio with puddles of water on the floor. Digital technology will now faithfully reproduce these noisy, low-fi, un-professional masters at great expense. feel stupid yet?"
- Disclaimer on a CD
"This compact disc is made from analog masters recorded without noise reduction. Half the tracks, in fact, were recorded in a dismal, cheap basement eight-track studio with puddles of water on the floor. Digital technology will now faithfully reproduce these noisy, low-fi, un-professional masters at great expense. feel stupid yet?"
- Disclaimer on a CD
4.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of 10 special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time. But he loves you."
"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of 10 special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time. But he loves you."
3.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"The main thing I like about New Yorkers is that they understand that their lives are a relentless circus of horrors, ending in death. As New Yorkers, we realize this, we resign ourselves to our fate, and we make sure that everyone else is as miserable as we are. Good town."
"The main thing I like about New Yorkers is that they understand that their lives are a relentless circus of horrors, ending in death. As New Yorkers, we realize this, we resign ourselves to our fate, and we make sure that everyone else is as miserable as we are. Good town."
2.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
Dear Mr. Adams,
Where do all of your ideas come from? -Nathan
Dear Nothin,
Mr. Adams gets most of his ideas while in the shower. The bathroom door is closed when it happens, so there are two possible sources. Either the ideas are contained in the clean, chlorinated water that comes from the showerhead, or they emanate from the public sewer system and waft up through the drain. Judging from the quality of Mr. Adams' ideas, I think we can rule out the showerhead.
Sincerely, Dogbert
Scott Adams - Dilbert
Dear Mr. Adams,
Where do all of your ideas come from? -Nathan
Dear Nothin,
Mr. Adams gets most of his ideas while in the shower. The bathroom door is closed when it happens, so there are two possible sources. Either the ideas are contained in the clean, chlorinated water that comes from the showerhead, or they emanate from the public sewer system and waft up through the drain. Judging from the quality of Mr. Adams' ideas, I think we can rule out the showerhead.
Sincerely, Dogbert
Scott Adams - Dilbert
1.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it.
"If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap."
“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”
I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor: Rich is better.
Funny Quotes About Life "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties."
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." Funny Quotes About Life
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it.
"If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap."
“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”
I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor: Rich is better.
Funny Quotes About Life "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties."
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." Funny Quotes About Life
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
21.5.11
Todays Funny Quotes About Life
Todays Funny Quotes About Life
A man always wants bright future, which is why he runs after a rich lady.
was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine"
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
Todays Funny Quotes About Life - "I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity."
A man who does not mistake, but it also apologized takes. We call him husband.
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Everyone Is Entitled ........ To My Opinion
Todays Funny Quotes About Life - Most important person in a home occurs who does Comedy.
"I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens."
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
"The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet."
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
A man always wants bright future, which is why he runs after a rich lady.
was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine"
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
Todays Funny Quotes About Life - "I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity."
A man who does not mistake, but it also apologized takes. We call him husband.
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Everyone Is Entitled ........ To My Opinion
Todays Funny Quotes About Life - Most important person in a home occurs who does Comedy.
"I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens."
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
"The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet."
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
19.5.11
Funny Quotes About Life and Fun Topics
Funny Quotes About Life and Fun Topics
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
Funny Quotes About Life - "Ask not what fun does for you.
Ask rather what you do for fun."
Rock is so much fun. That's what it's all about - filling up the chest cavities and empty kneecaps and elbows.
"The more fun you have, the greater your value to yourself and to your society. The more fun you share with others, the more fun you have."
"The reason why Absurdist plays take place in No Man's Land with only two characters is primarily financial."
- Arther Adamov
Funny Quotes About Life - "For every Way there's a way of following that Way that's fun"
I think we're having fun. I think our customers really like our products. And we're always trying to do better.
"The Path that is best for you is the Path that keeps the best of you in play"
"As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line."
- Scott Adams, creator of "Dilbert" on the ending of the strip "Calvin and Hobbes"
"...and the Truth will Make you Laugh."
I've realized that being happy is a choice. You never want to rub anybody the wrong way or not be fun to be around, but you have to be happy. When I get logical and I don't trust my instincts - Thats when I get in trouble.
"In the beginning it was fun. In the end, it was all for fun. And in between is where it tickles most."
Funny Quotes About Life - "Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.
Quotes about fun - "All for fun, and fun for all!"
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
Funny Quotes About Life - "Ask not what fun does for you.
Ask rather what you do for fun."
Rock is so much fun. That's what it's all about - filling up the chest cavities and empty kneecaps and elbows.
"The more fun you have, the greater your value to yourself and to your society. The more fun you share with others, the more fun you have."
"The reason why Absurdist plays take place in No Man's Land with only two characters is primarily financial."
- Arther Adamov
Funny Quotes About Life - "For every Way there's a way of following that Way that's fun"
I think we're having fun. I think our customers really like our products. And we're always trying to do better.
"The Path that is best for you is the Path that keeps the best of you in play"
"As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line."
- Scott Adams, creator of "Dilbert" on the ending of the strip "Calvin and Hobbes"
"...and the Truth will Make you Laugh."
I've realized that being happy is a choice. You never want to rub anybody the wrong way or not be fun to be around, but you have to be happy. When I get logical and I don't trust my instincts - Thats when I get in trouble.
"In the beginning it was fun. In the end, it was all for fun. And in between is where it tickles most."
Funny Quotes About Life - "Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.
Quotes about fun - "All for fun, and fun for all!"
15.5.11
Funny Quotes About Women
Funny Quotes About Women - A woman has two smiles that an angel might envy, the smile that accepts a lover before words are uttered, and the smile that lights on the first born babe, and assures it of a mother’s love. – Thomas C. Haliburton
“A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after” – Peter De Vries
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
No woman wants to see herself too clearly.
Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside. - Rita Rudner
Funny Quotes About Women - Women make me happy. Once accepting that i will never be able to understand them makes me more happier.
"Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.
Despite my thirty years of research into the woman soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?
If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family. - Lawrence Housman
Funny Quotes About Women - If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war just couple of nations not talking with each other.
Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
“A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after” – Peter De Vries
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
No woman wants to see herself too clearly.
Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside. - Rita Rudner
Funny Quotes About Women - Women make me happy. Once accepting that i will never be able to understand them makes me more happier.
"Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.
Despite my thirty years of research into the woman soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?
If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family. - Lawrence Housman
Funny Quotes About Women - If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war just couple of nations not talking with each other.
Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
11.5.11
Funny Quotes About Life Video
Funny Quotes About Life Video
save paper don’t do home work
"There is fate, but it only takes you so far because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen."
The greatest pain that comes from love, Is loving someone you can never have
Quotes - Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
"The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses."
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Quotes - "I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about."
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
save paper don’t do home work
"There is fate, but it only takes you so far because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen."
The greatest pain that comes from love, Is loving someone you can never have
Quotes - Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life!
"The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses."
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Quotes - "I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about."
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life - There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening,but this wasn't it."
When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Funny Quotes About Life - Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson
Life is a game of poker you have to put something in it to get something out of it.
"Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs."
The only purpose of your life may be to be a warning for others.
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. Funny Quotes About Life.
"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."
If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.
A man in the house is worth two in the street. (not a clue!)
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternatives.
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening,but this wasn't it."
When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Funny Quotes About Life - Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson
Life is a game of poker you have to put something in it to get something out of it.
"Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs."
The only purpose of your life may be to be a warning for others.
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. Funny Quotes About Life.
"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."
If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.
A man in the house is worth two in the street. (not a clue!)
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternatives.
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
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