Funny Quotes About Life - There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening,but this wasn't it."
When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Funny Quotes About Life - Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson
Life is a game of poker you have to put something in it to get something out of it.
"Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs."
The only purpose of your life may be to be a warning for others.
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.
Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. Funny Quotes About Life.
"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."
If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.
A man in the house is worth two in the street. (not a clue!)
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternatives.
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
