Funny Quotes About Life
"This island is almost made of coal and surrounded by fish. Only an organizing genius could produce a shortage of coal and fish in Great Britain at the same time."
- Aneunin Bevan
30.6.11
29.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient."
- Ambrose Bierce
"LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient."
- Ambrose Bierce
28.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read."
- Frank Zappa
"Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read."
- Frank Zappa
27.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
- Henny Youngman
26.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce...? The cuckoo clock."
- Orson Welles
"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce...? The cuckoo clock."
- Orson Welles
25.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"What do you mean we don't communicate? Just yesterday I faxed you a reply to the recorded message you left on my answering machine."
- The Wall Street Journal
"What do you mean we don't communicate? Just yesterday I faxed you a reply to the recorded message you left on my answering machine."
- The Wall Street Journal
24.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"There's no secret. You just press the accelerator to the floor and steer left."
- US Race driver Bill Vukovich
"There's no secret. You just press the accelerator to the floor and steer left."
- US Race driver Bill Vukovich
23.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia."
- Judith Viorst
"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia."
- Judith Viorst
22.6.11
Funny quotes about life even if you have a mortgage
Funny Quotes About Life
"British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps."
- Peter Ustinov
"British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps."
- Peter Ustinov
21.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority!"
- William Howard Taft - US President - referring to his defeat in the 1912 presidential election.
"Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority!"
- William Howard Taft - US President - referring to his defeat in the 1912 presidential election.
20.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about."
- Philippe Schnoebelen
"Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about."
- Philippe Schnoebelen
19.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room."
- Blaise Pascal
"I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room."
- Blaise Pascal
18.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat."
- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
"Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat."
- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
17.6.11
16.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin."
- John Von Neuman
"Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin."
- John Von Neuman
15.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not make the simple next step of supporting multitasking."
- George McFry
"Only a brain-damaged operating system would support task switching and not make the simple next step of supporting multitasking."
- George McFry
14.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
- Fran Lebowitz
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
- Fran Lebowitz
13.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner."
- Calvin Keegan
"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner."
- Calvin Keegan
12.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"It has been discovered experimentally that you can draw laughter from an audience anywhere in the world, of any class or race, simply by walking onto a stage and uttering the words "I am a married man"."
- Ted Kavanugh - British radio scriptwriter
"It has been discovered experimentally that you can draw laughter from an audience anywhere in the world, of any class or race, simply by walking onto a stage and uttering the words "I am a married man"."
- Ted Kavanugh - British radio scriptwriter
11.6.11
Funny quotes about life and money
Funny Quotes About Life
"One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette."
- Prof. Charles P. Issawi
"One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette."
- Prof. Charles P. Issawi
10.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize winning photograph of him drowning, what shutter speed and setting would you use?"
- Paul Harvey
"If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize winning photograph of him drowning, what shutter speed and setting would you use?"
- Paul Harvey
9.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something."
- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S.
Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Quotes, Quotes About Life, Quotes
"For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say "Canada". Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something."
- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S.
Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Quotes, Quotes About Life, Quotes
8.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not worry about the blind alleys or describe how you had the wrong idea at first, and so on. So there isn't any place to publish, in a dignified manner, what you actually did in order to get to do the work."
- Richard Feynman
"We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not worry about the blind alleys or describe how you had the wrong idea at first, and so on. So there isn't any place to publish, in a dignified manner, what you actually did in order to get to do the work."
- Richard Feynman
7.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
- English Professor, Ohio University
"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
- English Professor, Ohio University
6.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"You can pay attention to the fact, in which case you'll probably become a mathematician, or you can ignore it, in which case you'll probably become a physicist."
"You can pay attention to the fact, in which case you'll probably become a mathematician, or you can ignore it, in which case you'll probably become a physicist."
5.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"This compact disc is made from analog masters recorded without noise reduction. Half the tracks, in fact, were recorded in a dismal, cheap basement eight-track studio with puddles of water on the floor. Digital technology will now faithfully reproduce these noisy, low-fi, un-professional masters at great expense. feel stupid yet?"
- Disclaimer on a CD
"This compact disc is made from analog masters recorded without noise reduction. Half the tracks, in fact, were recorded in a dismal, cheap basement eight-track studio with puddles of water on the floor. Digital technology will now faithfully reproduce these noisy, low-fi, un-professional masters at great expense. feel stupid yet?"
- Disclaimer on a CD
4.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of 10 special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time. But he loves you."
"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of 10 special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time. But he loves you."
3.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"The main thing I like about New Yorkers is that they understand that their lives are a relentless circus of horrors, ending in death. As New Yorkers, we realize this, we resign ourselves to our fate, and we make sure that everyone else is as miserable as we are. Good town."
"The main thing I like about New Yorkers is that they understand that their lives are a relentless circus of horrors, ending in death. As New Yorkers, we realize this, we resign ourselves to our fate, and we make sure that everyone else is as miserable as we are. Good town."
2.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
Dear Mr. Adams,
Where do all of your ideas come from? -Nathan
Dear Nothin,
Mr. Adams gets most of his ideas while in the shower. The bathroom door is closed when it happens, so there are two possible sources. Either the ideas are contained in the clean, chlorinated water that comes from the showerhead, or they emanate from the public sewer system and waft up through the drain. Judging from the quality of Mr. Adams' ideas, I think we can rule out the showerhead.
Sincerely, Dogbert
Scott Adams - Dilbert
Dear Mr. Adams,
Where do all of your ideas come from? -Nathan
Dear Nothin,
Mr. Adams gets most of his ideas while in the shower. The bathroom door is closed when it happens, so there are two possible sources. Either the ideas are contained in the clean, chlorinated water that comes from the showerhead, or they emanate from the public sewer system and waft up through the drain. Judging from the quality of Mr. Adams' ideas, I think we can rule out the showerhead.
Sincerely, Dogbert
Scott Adams - Dilbert
1.6.11
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it.
"If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap."
“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”
I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor: Rich is better.
Funny Quotes About Life "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties."
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." Funny Quotes About Life
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it.
"If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap."
“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”
I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor: Rich is better.
Funny Quotes About Life "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties."
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." Funny Quotes About Life
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
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